THE ABSENT FAMILY AND THE SEED OF LOSS OF FAITH IN ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES
Those of us who are over 35 years and single, will probably agree that the majority of us may have faced the good and bad that life throws at us by now, possibly leaving us with resentment, anger management issues, disillusionment about life, misery and love and relationships difficulties. Worse, some of us were unlucky to have been born into over-protective, complicated, unsupportive, cruel families or we were orphaned. Such upbringing then may have left us with unhelpful thoughts, believes or defects that we note are not going away. As the time goes on, the defective thoughts and behaviours remind themselves to us each time we unconsciously or consciously collide with people because of our anger management issues and boy it hurts.
IS WALKING WITH A FRIEND IN THE DARK ALWAYS BETTER THAN WALKING ALONE IN THE LIGHT?
The misfortune of not being lucky in love and having unsupportive family or deceased family is constantly lurking at us. It is making us feel more disadvantaged, it makes life harder and exhausting. We feel progressively unhappier and we may feel secretly envious of others. We may feel weaker compared to people with a good family support and sometimes we find that it is hard to go on. It therefore may seem natural to us, turning for a help to friends, the only source of hope that can lift us, when no one else has noticed that we have fallen and we know that having a good friend is essential to our lives. Whilst some of us are better at managing our problems and support from our friends, for some of us it is impossible to put breaks on our neediness. Our friend’s kindness might be the only hope that might make it possible for us to go on. As the life continues and the challenges multiply, it gets more demanding and hardly gratifying, we may become clingy to our kindest friends but we might be noticing that regardless of how big our friend’s heart is, the issues don’t seem to be going away. It is now that we might realise that if our friend’s kindness is the only hope we have left but yet the problems are not going away, the suicide might start creeping up on us daily. We hit the hard rock bottom and we feel terrified and angry everywhere we go, we hate ourselves in secret but keep going, overwhelmed with anger management issues maybe drinking nightly in secret to manage those feelings when we are alone. Yes, up until now we may have been thinking that walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking it alone in the light. Despite our friend’s consistent kindness, the suicide started creeping up on us so following are 10 reasons why clinging to your only kind friend for support could end up being hazardous:
1. Opening up to a friend with something deeply personal and being met with feeling bashed down, could leave you feeling further disappointed, reinforcing withdrawal and feelings of isolation
2. Although an act of kindness from a single friend can work better than a support from a faculty of impotent people, it can also cause you some damage if your anger management issues are related to specific mental health issues, they are not identified and resolved which could lead to a suicide
3. A friend with unlimited sources of kindness might enable neediness and dependency issues that could further reinforce your ineffective coping strategies and sense of feeling there is no light at the end of the tunnel
4. Having felt rejected for most part of your life by your parents, you are left with knowing that there is a huge difference between being afraid to ask your friend for a help and never asking, and finally taking a leap of faith and reaching out for a help only to have a phone slammed down on you
5. Your kind friend does not have the same resources and is not 24/7 multidisciplinary NHS mental health team, have you ever considered this?
6. Anger management issues can be linked to serious mental health issues, such as paranoid personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder or trauma and PTSD and although kind, your friend lacking a sufficient knowledge about trauma, could unwittingly trigger your trauma symptoms and memories, making you feel worse and back to square one
7. Although friends are a good and quick fix, being too dependent exclusively on your friend, could prevent you from getting the right support from a trained psychologist, who could support you in addressing your issues and make you feel better in the long-term
8. Kindness in friendship does not equal to unbiased objective point of view in psychology setting. Have you ever considered that your friends’ advice could be distorted and based on their values and impeding your chance of finding yourself and feeling better?
9. Kind people struggle to say no. Your friend might be genuinely in a bad place, unable to deal with own issues, let alone yours and your neediness might leave your friend feeling burnt out and resenting you in secret and this might leave you feeling once again alone
10. Suicide or anger management issues are not for everyone and when it comes to aggression often not for overly kind people, so turning solely to your kind friend for support could be a road block to your betterment
This article aimed to discuss why neediness in friendship with significant anger management issues can be hazardous. I want to make it clear that having good friends is essential, but over-using them or not getting the right specialised support when we need it could be hazardous to our life. This article was written and dedicated to all types of friends. The friends and partners who were there for us but unwittingly and tragically failed us. The friends who tried to help but felt powerless and indirectly witnessed their friends dying to a suicide. The humanist kind friends who craved to have good friends, were let down by selfish friends and found friendship in counselling and psychotherapy and later strength in themselves to be their own friend or pursue the search for the right and new friends. If you have been affected by this article and know someone that you think and feel you cannot help but that could benefit from counselling or anger management please do not hesitate to contact Leona directly on 07 505 124 933 to enquire about an appointment.