Anger management and why do we assume that women can get away with domestic violence leaving men frustrated in silence and unsupported?


women initiating domestic violence and male victims

The aim of this article is to discuss anger management and why do we assume that women can get
away with domestic violence. The word domestic violence is being commonly associated with
assault on women by men. How much do we know about domestic violence initiated by women, a
topic that is not much spoken about in the public but often discussed by male clients in my private
practice. When my male clients refer for anger management, domestic violence initiated by female
spouses comes up in the sessions supported with tangible evidence and it is accompanied with
feeling frustrated, feeling blamed for and not feeling trusted or supported by authorities.

Why female perpetrators are getting away with it and male targets end up feeling frustrated and unsupported and more prone to aggression?

female perpetrators and male victims

The current support system for targets of domestic violence seems to be well-developed for female
targets and male targets of domestic violence often report of feeling unsupported. The lack of
support for male targets of domestic violence could be caused by men suffering in silence and
bottling up their feelings, because of the pressure and societal expectations to manage the situation,
be a man, attitudes possibly also shared by police that could be also exploited by aggressive
females. The lack of support in society for male targets of domestic violence could be also a result
of feminist researchers prevalent in psychological departments that are also mainly females and
including other helping professions. This research and academic input that could be possibly biased
will have an impact on social policy and consequently disproportionate support system for male
targets of domestic violence. An area of domestic violence initiated by women needs to be more
talked about, brought into public awareness, not only to improve support for male targets but also
because of the damage children could sustain whilst raised in violent family environments. Anger
management issues in relationships are often co-created and it is not only males who need anger
management to control and manage conflict at home. In the next section, I will review one research
paper to support my argument that violent women are in need of anger management sessions and
should not assume that they can get away with it and that we must stop assuming that only men are
to be blamed for domestic violence.

Research on female initiating assaults

women initiating domestic violence

In 1997 Fiebert et al investigated college women who initiated assaults on their partners and the
reasons for this. This study comprised of 978 female participants and the results showed that 29%
of women admitted to initiating physical aggression against their partners. Contrary to general
believes that women attack in self-defence, this study showed that women initiated the aggression
because they wanted to get the partners attention, they did not believe their action would hurt their
man, they did not feel listened to, the partner was not sensitive to their needs – causes reflecting a
sense of entitlement and chronic aggressive behaviours in my opinion. The female participants also
believed that men can protect themselves so the female aggression should not be an issue, they
assume men have been trained not hit a woman, and some explained that they witnessed aggression
towards male family members which seem to have been normalised. What is alarming from this
study is the fact that women who initiated domestic violence assumed that they would not hurt their
partner or provoke him into a counter-attack.


In summary, it seems societal assumptions and poor support for male targets of domestic violence
seem to play role in the causes of some cases of domestic violence, which seems to make female
perpetrators assume that they can get away with it. We need more studies on domestic violence
initiated by females. We also need more anger management sessions not only for male but also for
female perpetrators of domestic violence to empower people with excellent communication and
conflict resolution skills to minimize conflicts and revive happiness in home contexts.

Read more if you are considering booking your first anger management session

anger management session for men and women

If you have been affected by issues in this article and would like to receive a support for anger
management please do not hesitate to contact me Leona Sears directly on 07 505 124 933 to discuss
booking an appointment. Anger management at Anger Therapy London is run in a non-judgemental
and supportive manner. It rests on the idea that clients who self-refer for anger management already
know that what they are doing is wrong and that they have the will to change and so the aim of the
sessions is not judge or patronise anyone but assist clients in achieving their goals.