LABELLING THE BULLIES
Some people who come to Anger Therapy London for anger management or for support related to issues with domestic violence are quick to point the finger at their partners and labelling them as abusive bullies. Such people often feel powerless, devastated and complain to their friends of being victims of domestic violence. They are even quick to report their abusive partners to social services, or police and this may lead at times to irreversible damage not only to their partners but to the whole family system. Whilst Anger Therapy London does recognises an existence of true, aggressive, psychopaths that will exploit and manipulate the system to suit their own needs that leaves their partners indeed powerless, this cannot be said of all cases domestic violence that attract Anger Therapy London.
HOW THE VICTIMS CONTRIBUTE TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
In fact, although it is appreciated that being insulted, physically attacked in the middle of a heated argument by overpowering aggression fuelled partner, in some cases victims also need to recognise their own contribution to this kind of conflict. There are a number of ways how victims can unwittingly provoke their partners into violent rages which are often chronic and symptomatic or chronic issues in the relationships that need to be resolved. The victims often provoke the aggressors by passive-aggressive communication strategies, which is indirect expression of anger which includes gossiping to their family members and thus angering their partners, or blowing issues out of proportions meaning discounting important facts of the whole picture that forms the full reality. Often victims tend to seek support in clumsy manner through family members or friends who then gang up against the perpetrator collectively. The perpetrator then ends up feeling more resentful and this further fuels the already chronic and existing aggression.
In summary, as you can see the issues of domestic violence is a symptom of chronic poor communication styles among two people who are both failing to resolve the conflict. Whilst the aggressor appears more confident but powerless in controlling the outbursts of anger and will need anger management. The victim can also lacks to confidently assert opinions and uses indirect means of communication of anger that are equally violent and will fuel the existing conflict in the couple and will also need anger management to learn to assertively express opinions and to manage highly aggressive situations. Therefore, we can conclude that both the victim and the aggressor lack confidence and the right skills to contain the conflictual situation at home and mutually continue provoking each other and making the situation worse. It is recommended that the people concerned do not wait but try to seek support for anger management if the issues is of a repeated nature. We can end up feeling lonely in a city of over ten million people and surrounded by friends whose advice can be biased and distorted with their own values and believes and if you are in this situation Anger Therapy London can provide you with a confidential support. We can also find ourselves in situations when we have no one to turn to because we don’t want to compromise our position at home or at work and we can end up feeling lonely and overwhelmed with our issues and needing a private counsel. If you have no one to turn to and think that you may need anger management and would like to develop conflict resolution skills to restore the peace in your home context please call 07 505 124 933 to book your appointment.